I'm good at keeping secrets.

I'm really good at keeping secrets because five minutes later I forget what you told me because I don't care. If I hurt your feelings in any way I just want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I don't care. Studies show that the leading cause of disappointment is giving a fuck. I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

True story.