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Top 10: Things to Do With a Boner Other Than Sex
10. Shadow Puppetry. This is one of the oldest art forms known to man. Why no one decided to throw a dong into the mix is anyone’s guess. With a third appendage you can finally complete that giraffe on top of Noah’s Ark you’ve been working on.
9. Act Out Bad Pornos. Ever seen those pornos where the pizza guy shows up at a hot girl’s house with a hole in the middle of the pizza box and his dick sticking through and says, “You ordered cheese but I thought you’d like an extra-large sausage”? Try to experiment with other ideas like putting it in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, in a hot dog bun, or next to a plate of flapjacks. The sky is the limit here.
8. Answer “Yes or No” Questions. Every guy has done this at some point or another. It feels awesome to wag your cock around with reckless abandon. No matter how old you get it’s always funny to wave it around like it has a mind of its own and to answer questions for people.
7. Try To Make It Look Bigger. Most guys have average-size shafts, but try gaining an inch or two by playing with different viewpoints or lighting effects. Sometimes it’s fun just trying to will it to be bigger, I swear I gained like a quarter inch just by focusing really hard.
6. Tuck it Into Your Waistband. This is the most useful skill any boy learned in middle school. It still feels odd but funny to try to have a normal conversation with someone whilst the tip of your schlong is poking out of your boxers. And if they notice it, refer to it as “Him.” “Oh you can see him? Don’t mind him, he’s just getting some air.”
5. Plug a Hole. We all know your shaft only fits comfortably in one hole (mouths have teeth and buttholes are kinda gross) but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try other things just for shits and giggles (the Titanic might have been saved had Leo only knew what his penis was for). After all, if no one had tried it, we would never have discovered the glory hole.
4. Hang Things From It. The wang has a surprising amount of strength, so you may grow curious about how much it has. Coat hangers and hats are obvious favorites and you’ll feel like a stronger man to be able to hold up an entire three piece suit with only your piece.
3. Be a Destroyer of Worlds. This is your chance to reenact a cheesy 50s’ horror movie in which a giant “something” destroys the world. Green army men and Legos are no match for your massive boner on a rampage.
2. Dick Slang. This is the new dance craze that’s sweeping the nation. Rubber band a sock with some pennies in it on there and whip it around to your favorite Lil’ Wayne song while in your gym shorts. Then send it in a video message to you girlfriend on your anniversary.
1. Catapult. Your cock actually has a lot of elasticity so using it to fling small objects across the room should come naturally. The best part is you can turn it into a competition. Try to go for distance, hit a target or fling a Cheerio into your girlfriend’s cereal.
Top 10: Things to Do With a Boner Other Than Sex
10. Shadow Puppetry. This is one of the oldest art forms known to man. Why no one decided to throw a dong into the mix is anyone’s guess. With a third appendage you can finally complete that giraffe on top of Noah’s Ark you’ve been working on.
9. Act Out Bad Pornos. Ever seen those pornos where the pizza guy shows up at a hot girl’s house with a hole in the middle of the pizza box and his dick sticking through and says, “You ordered cheese but I thought you’d like an extra-large sausage”? Try to experiment with other ideas like putting it in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, in a hot dog bun, or next to a plate of flapjacks. The sky is the limit here.
8. Answer “Yes or No” Questions. Every guy has done this at some point or another. It feels awesome to wag your cock around with reckless abandon. No matter how old you get it’s always funny to wave it around like it has a mind of its own and to answer questions for people.
7. Try To Make It Look Bigger. Most guys have average-size shafts, but try gaining an inch or two by playing with different viewpoints or lighting effects. Sometimes it’s fun just trying to will it to be bigger, I swear I gained like a quarter inch just by focusing really hard.
6. Tuck it Into Your Waistband. This is the most useful skill any boy learned in middle school. It still feels odd but funny to try to have a normal conversation with someone whilst the tip of your schlong is poking out of your boxers. And if they notice it, refer to it as “Him.” “Oh you can see him? Don’t mind him, he’s just getting some air.”
5. Plug a Hole. We all know your shaft only fits comfortably in one hole (mouths have teeth and buttholes are kinda gross) but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try other things just for shits and giggles (the Titanic might have been saved had Leo only knew what his penis was for). After all, if no one had tried it, we would never have discovered the glory hole.
4. Hang Things From It. The wang has a surprising amount of strength, so you may grow curious about how much it has. Coat hangers and hats are obvious favorites and you’ll feel like a stronger man to be able to hold up an entire three piece suit with only your piece.
3. Be a Destroyer of Worlds. This is your chance to reenact a cheesy 50s’ horror movie in which a giant “something” destroys the world. Green army men and Legos are no match for your massive boner on a rampage.
2. Dick Slang. This is the new dance craze that’s sweeping the nation. Rubber band a sock with some pennies in it on there and whip it around to your favorite Lil’ Wayne song while in your gym shorts. Then send it in a video message to you girlfriend on your anniversary.
1. Catapult. Your cock actually has a lot of elasticity so using it to fling small objects across the room should come naturally. The best part is you can turn it into a competition. Try to go for distance, hit a target or fling a Cheerio into your girlfriend’s cereal.
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